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This can create a vicious cycle- even if someone wants to stop the affair, they may find it challenging to do so. Or they might feel guilty or ashamed for having specific needs.
They may even feel like they have fallen out of love with their spouse. Whatever the specific reason, an affair can exacerbate this avoidance.
By moving outside the marriage, the person can focus on something new and exciting. This can help them forget or deny their actual reality. Commitment can have different definitions depending on who you ask. Even in a marriage, people may have disagreeing perceptions of what constitutes an affair. For example, someone might deny to their partner and to themselves that they are actually having an affair.
Or, you might suspect your partner has an inappropriate friendship , even if they insist everything is fine. If someone feels insecure in their marriage, they may feel more apt to look outside of it.
On the other hand, feeling admired by someone new feels novel and thrilling. Narcissists are notorious for engaging in affairs. They inherently value power and control, and they also believe they are above mainstream rules. If confronted about suspicious behavior, narcissists will often gaslight or lie about the affair. Sexual compatibility is an integral part of relationship health, and constant disagreements or about sex can result in tension.
Some research shows that sexual performance anxiety is a risk factor for infidelity. Some people may find themselves too nervous to talk or engage in sex with their partner. Subsequently, they may look outside the marriage for a lower-pressure way to fulfill their needs. Additionally, feeling confined in a sexless marriage can increase the desire to have an affair.
Some people have affairs to retaliate against their spouse. This can happen if they feel betrayed by them cheating or by other harmful acts.
This can be true, but it only increases the level of mistrust in a relationship. What percentage of marriages have affairs? This research may be surprising to people who assume men are exclusively responsible for infidelity. Some affairs are quite brief, lasting only a few physical interactions. Others may be more complex and nuanced- these affairs that last for years tend to involve emotional and physical intimacy.
Most affairs last between one month to about a year. However, about a third of affairs survive longer than two years. The duration of the affair often depends on how the affair dissolves.
The majority of affairs start with friends or coworkers, although infidelity can happen anywhere and with anyone. Many people who engage in cheating do not tell their spouses.
The rates for infidelity tend to increase with age. While people may cheat during their first few years of marriage, statistics jump during middle age, with the highest peak for both men and women occurring between These rates remain high for people throughout their 70s and 80s. The longer someone has an affair, the longer they can live out their fantasy and avoid reality. In other words, longer affairs may be more structured and defined.
Both partners understand what they will and will not receive from the other person. It is more of a transactional relationship rather than a whimsical one. We all know that the statistics on divorce are harrowing.
In general, nearly half of all first marriages in the US end in divorce. And while the rate is falling, there are still , divorces each year. Many couples therapists indicate that affairs are one of the most challenging problems a couple can face.
That said, these statistics do not mean that the affair itself led to divorce. Many factors can contribute to a couple deciding to separate. For example, the affair often results due to other difficulties within the marriage. In its simplest form, the affair usually reaches its end when one person has had enough.
This person can either be one of the betraying partners or their spouses. These ultimatums may put an immediate stop to the affair. That said, deceit and infidelity can still go hand-in-hand.
Some people may insist they ended the affair- only to continue engaging with the other person. This question plagues many people. As it turns out, these answers can be complicated. Although it may seem counterintuitive, many unfaithful partners report solidly being in love with their spouses. The unfaithful person may or may not have expressed these issues to their spouse. Marriage can provide a stable and reliable foundation. This is especially true if the couple shares many parts of their lives, such as children, social circles, financial assets, or hobbies.
Many times, people have no intention of leaving the marriage when they have an affair. Often, they crave the combination of consistency with the thrill of novelty. Most people understand the ramifications divorce can have on children and family units. From splitting custody to transporting them to different homes, divorce is stressful, and parents often want to maintain a united front for their kids.
The two people in this set up end the newness pretty fast due to inability of waiting for things to take their own course. They hurry up things wanting to gauge what the end result would look like. During this journey from freshness to the mundane, familiarity creeps in. Talk about problems creeps into the conversations, which makes it unromantic. When they find the path to be treading along lines similar to their real life, they choose to break away.
As time goes by and the mundane sets in, interest levels decrease. After all, everyone carries a baggage that they are looking to unpack.
Calls become few, texts go unanswered, dates are never planned and excuses lead the way. When the agenda is not being met, why would anyone with a family hang on? There is someone at home to fall back on, someone that is in the dark about this affair. Someone that has had your back since ages. Now, no married man would leave his wife and kids for another married woman. He would not want to step out of his comfort zone.
When demands on time increase, fights begin and seals the fate of the relationship. This was not on the agenda after all. Fights are a part and parcel of every marriage. But they are never on the agenda of an extramarital affair. When demands on time and attention are not met, nagging begins and cools the diminishing flames of the once hot clandestine relationship.
When there are more fights and less intimate moments, the purpose of the relationship is lost and the the verdict becomes clear. In every relationship, one person loves more than the other. Now, this love might just be an attachment or a kind of obsessive fixation. What happens is that when a partner bestows extra attention and too much care on the other partner, it stifles them to the extent that they begin to detest it.
As the seasons change so do the feelings. An extramarital affair is one that is supposed to provide for all that lacks in your primary relationship.
For a short while the best foot works well, but soon the real picture dawns, calling it curtains on such relationships. The missing spark or the lost zing are amongst some of the reasons why people embark on such journeys.
More importantly, to satisfy the ego that others still find them desirable and attractive. Whether one should indulge in extramarital affairs or not is for another time and topic. For now all that can be said is that such experiences tend to weigh heavily upon your mind, for sometime resulting in mental chaos.
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